Can I get real and be honest with you internet? Like really honest? Like, we’ve been friends for years honest? Honest to the point it’ll feel like you’ve been invited over for an awkward family holiday?
I hate anger.
I loathe anger.
I don’t like it and I don’t want it.
Anger is a tricky emotion; sometimes it’s an emotion I would rather not admit I feel. I know anger is a justifiable, appropriate emotion. But, it’s not an emotion I like. When push comes to shove I would much rather just ignore it and hope it will magically go away. However, does that actually work? Does anger magically just go away?
Want proof it doesn’t? Here is How I Met Your Mother‘s Barney Stinson to prove the point:
What I’m about ready to type, is not an endorsement of physical violence or outbursts of any kind. Guy or girl, violence is never okay. Ever.
But, anger is okay and appropriate – even if I want to deny it. By living in denial of being mad, I’m learning I’m not doing myself or others I care about any good. In fact, I’ve been learning I need to channel my anger the same way Bruce Banner does and “smash” some things.
This doesn’t mean I take it out on people, but it means I learn to channel and use it. You know the key to Banner becoming the Incredible Hulk when he gets angry? It means Banner isn’t holding on to his anger – he’s releasing it. He admits he’s angry. Yes, you could argue he gives over to anger in unhealthy ways – but he’s a super hero – he uses his anger (most of the time) to turn large, green, and strong to save people and fight bad guys.
Maybe, it’s time to learn how to connect with other people in your anger. Do you have that super power or are you like me, who too often sees anger as something that distances relationships, so it must be avoided at all costs? I don’t erupt, but I push my anger down to ignore it, because the thought goes “If I tell someone I’m angry at them, they’ll run away.” But, by doing that, I eliminate opportunities to connect emotionally.
Just like the picture above – we all have the ability to connect with our anger. After all, Hulk just a man in pajamas.
This is the key, get angry. Connect with your anger – do whatever it is you need to do in order to figure out what you’re angry at, why, and what you need to about it. Maybe it even means sharing your anger with others. Yet, don’t sin in your anger. Anger isn’t the sin; what you do with your anger is.
If you blow up in your anger – it’s time to figure out how to stop that; if you cut off people in your anger – it’s time to connect (unless of course, you’re in a dangerous situation); if you’re someone who runs to vices in your anger – get help, get into recovery, and start learning to get it under control; if you’re like me and have a hard time admitting you’re angry – it’s time to learn sometimes the sun will go down when you’re angry, the key is to follow through until the anger is resolved, instead of letting it passively dissolve.
No matter where you fall on the anger continuum, you can learn and grow.
Control you anger. Don’t let it control you.
If you’re angry at this post, let me know about – kindly – maybe…