Over the past three and a half months I have realized my broken, damaged, hurt left knee is the perfect metaphor for the season of life I am in. After graduating from Seminary in June and blowing out my knee, I’ve realized this injury is partly here to slow me down and help me realize everything God is up to.
See, before God can do new things in my life – there has to be healing.
In order to be a faithful pastor for a lifetime, God has to heal where I’m broken.
In order to be a man who keeps growing, I have to admit I have not arrived emotionally or spiritually.
In order to be a loving husband, I have to push past the emotional walls I have built up in myself as protection.
The beauty of this season, just like my left knee, is the ability to realize how wounded and hurt I actually am. Just like with my left knee, I know I can’t run five feet right now – much less a mile. This is the season of reconstruction and I can already sense and see how God is rebuilding me. I’m so excited because I know He’s making me whole.
I wait for surgery but God is at the work on the inside making me into who He wants me to be. This season is not just for today but 15 years from now. I’ve spent so much time going and doing, with self care and soul work along the way, it’s nice to see that even being bi-vocational is a slight break from the crazy hours I pulled the past two plus years of Seminary and can dig into some deep soul work.
If you’re reading this and don’t spend a lot of time digging deeper into your soul or your own emotional framework, let me encourage you to please dive deeper. It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself and your loved ones. But beware, it’s not easy. Sometimes, before you get better and figure it out, you have to uncover some of the junk you’ve hidden and have not wanted to deal with.
It’s worth it.
Just do it.