As a writer in the 21st century there is nothing more frustrating then the blinking cursor indicating just how little you have written on the blank screen of your laptop. As it sits there flashing at you, your mind races with the inadequacies of your words and your talent. It makes you doubt the very essence of what you have to say. In a way, the blinking is a representation of the mystery of what is about to come. There will be a next, there will be a time when the fingers click the keyboard and produce a written work – but this in between, the blank screen with a blinking cursor, is maddening.
In these moments the world of the writer does not always make sense. It can feel as if the waves are breaking over your head. Life feels quite beyond your grasp and light-years beyond comprehension.
Somehow, I’ve been sitting on these words for a week. There have been amazing, wonderful, creative and insightful thoughts in my head which have been unable to bust out and free themselves of their mental cage. My mind has been filled with ideas, concepts and thoughts that have the ability to breathe life into a situation and season.
Yet, my head has turned into an abyss of nothingness. The vortex of my brain has done nothing but suck in more and more thoughts. I have not had the ability to calm the mind and still the heart. The words were becoming bingo balls their cage, turning over and over and over again, just waiting to be grabbed and read out loud but the caller had left for several minutes to go to the restroom as the cage just kept turnig.
Could you imagine the frustration of those players?
Well, that is about how frustrated I have been with my brain the past week.
It’s been hard. It’s been long. Yet, it’s been beautiful.
The maddening nature of the past week has made me wrestle with the ability to progress, detox and heal when I do not have words to accurately pull other people into my story and journey.
For a week I have been dealing with spiritual and relational writers block. Finally, thankfully, the blinking cursor is on a forward trajectory. The fingers are moving as they feel the cool, plastic keys beneath their fingertips. As the screen fills with words life seems to make a little bit more sense.
Comprehension is here. Excitement is brewing. He has made me ready for this moment.